Make This Go On Forever
by Sason
Summary: Based on the Song by Snow Patrol. Tony angst and it could be Tiva, Tate, or Tabby. You will have to read to find out which. Rating for language and it only appears once. MY GIFT TO CROCKETTSGIRL!


**A/N This is a gift for crockettsgirl who has helped me in ways that extend more than just helping me with my stories so I thought I would repay her with this little story.**

**I hope you all enjoy and I hope that I haven't disappointed you any :)**

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**disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story nor do I own the fantastic song by Snow Patrol Make this go on Forever**

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_**~Please don't let this turn into something it's not**_

_**I can only give you everything I've got~**_

Tony sat on the edge of his bed, gripping his head with both of his hands. What had he done? She was his whole world, all he'd ever known and now she had left him. He hadn't planned this. Well no one plans this part of their relationship – the end. He had let himself think that they would be in all of this forever together but then there's that moment when it all comes crashing down. He thought that they were the perfect product, the real deal. How wrong could one person be?

_**~I can't be as sorry as you think I should**_

_**But I still love you more than anyone else could~**_

Her voice shook through his every being. He couldn't believe that he had managed to fuck this up so badly and she would never seem to understand that he was sorry. Gibbs rules be damned. He was weak and he was sorry. However being sorry obviously wasn't fixing this. He still loved her. His mind fell back on the few years they had been together, through the other fights, the sorrow. The laughter seemed like a distant memory but he knew it was there, or at least it had been.

_**~All that I keep thinking throughout this whole fight**_

_**Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right~**_

He had to fix this. There was no way that he could survive without her by his side; waking up beside her every morning, the smell of her newly washed hair, the soft, supple, smoothness of her skin. He had to find a way to fix this because this couldn't be it, the end of everything that he had ever wanted and needed. A simple mistake it seemed like but, he knew, he knew that if he managed to correct this hurt that his entire life would be spent trying to make it up to her. He knew that this was definitely worth the effort.

_**~The splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long**_

_**Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong~**_

"Tony! You're an idiot!"

The scream reverberated off his bedroom walls to hit him point blank in his chest where all the pain was accumulating. He was struggling to hold back tears but he knew that it would only be a matter of time before it all became too much and the dam would break. The pain had to be held onto for a little while longer. It had to turn into something productive soon. His inability to move from the position that he had held for nearly an hour was intoxicating, as though that this could fix it all. He knew, though, that he had to face her and work this out because eventually he would sink into the darkness again and she wouldn't be there this time to pull him out of the water.

_**~The last girl **_

_**And the last reason**_

_**To make this last for as long as I could~**_

He tried to think about the last time he had this sort of anything with anyone in his entire life and it seemed to evade him that nothing even remotely came close. The pains of long ago haunted his every being. Not just his family life although that probably was a big reason as to why he had managed to screw this up like every good thing that entered into his life. He knew and he didn't doubt that the reason that this kept happening to him was because of him, no other factor remained. It was the old adage of 'It's not you, it's me' line that everyone else used. In this case, though, it was him and no one else.

_**~The first kiss **_

_**And the first time**_

_**That I felt connected to anything~**_

His mind shot back to how they first fell for each other, the moment that they knew that what they had was more than friendship. He would linger for hours at night on that first sweet taste of her lips, the embrace and the moment that had existed for only them. They were finally where they needed to be, lost in each others arms, exploring and searching every inch of the others body. The jolts of electricity that caused her spasms of erotica from just his simple touch were infectious and all he had wanted to do was continue to please and tease her for the rest of his life. There was nothing else in his life that could have even compared to that feeling and now…

_**~The weight of water**_

_**The way you taught me **_

_**To look past everything I have ever learned~**_

She had changed everything for him. He had begun to believe that he didn't have to be damaged anymore, that he could be normal and have the one thing that everyone needed. She had shown him the light as to the reality of it all. He had that opportunity every moment of his adult life. He just hadn't realized that it was all in his own control. All he had to do was to push back the dark cloud to see and breathe the crisp air of happiness to know that he was capable and that he was deserving of that sort of affection. That his father had been wrong and that he would be loved, that everything could possibly work out for him, for them…

_**The final word **_

_**In the final sentence**_

_**You ever uttered to me was love~**_

…But that had changed. His father was right. He was the screw up that he claimed he was. Tony's thoughts fell onto the hour previous, the moment he figured out that what they had was ending. That he had, once again, managed to ruin the best thing that he had going for him. The moment when she had left, slamming the door so hard that it shook the foundations of his apartment building, the moment that she had left that unanswered question hanging in the air.

_**~We have got through so much worse than this before**_

_**What's so different this time that you can't ignore~**_

Tony played through his head any moment that would have eventually led up to the position he now found himself in. There were no clues, no evidence to help him figure out what had caused all this heartache and angst. He was meant to be a trained investigator and he had learned long ago in his profession that it was all those little things that added up to make that final big picture. Why couldn't he see the forest for the trees? He was missing something, something important and he couldn't place what it was. When he figured that out, it might be too late to save what they've already lost.

_**~You say it is much more than just my last mistake**_

_**That we should spend some time apart for both our sakes~**_

She had walked out on him. She had slammed the door. She had questioned his motives and his loyalty. He had said nothing to alleviate her pain and anger. He had just stood there, taking the force of her yelling only to realize that would cause his downfall as she stormed out of his life. He had tried calling her on her cell but she was obviously ignoring him because it went straight to her mailbox. He had tried every where he could think of she might be, only to come up empty handed and alone in their – his – apartment. This was not good.

_**~The last girl **_

_**And the last reason**_

_**To make this last for as long as I could~**_

He had to fix this. If it took the rest of his life, he was going to fix this. He jumped up and headed for his living room.

_**~The first kiss **_

_**And the first time**_

_**That I felt connected to anything~**_

He searched around for his keys. He couldn't find them. They were on the coffee table in the middle of the room the last time he had checked and now they weren't there. He grinned angrily at the thought of not being able to find his keys just like he couldn't find his lover. He was useless.

_**~The weight of water**_

_**The way you taught me **_

_**To look past everything I have ever learned~**_

He had to call her again and to his surprise it started ringing only to be disconnected on her end. She obviously wanted him to talk this through with her. There was hope yet. Tony cringed however, when he tried again and it went straight to her automated voice, the chance he thought he might have getting lost in doubt.

_**The final word **_

_**In the final sentence**_

_**You ever uttered to me was love~**_

He fell into the cold embrace of his couch. The momentary adrenaline had faded to be filled with the argument that they had in this room:

"_How could you betray me like that?"_

"_Like what? I don't understand!"_

"_Like hell you don't understand! You were there, you saw it and you did nothing!"_

"_I stood next to you! I was protecting you and only you!"_

"_That's bull and you know it! You can't weasel your way out of this mister!"_

"_Weasel out of what? I have no idea why you are angry! All I said was she looks beautiful."_

"_You shouldn't have commented at all! You should have kept your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself! You knew how important this was to me! You said that you would be there for me but you weren't! You were too busy backing up the competition! You looked the other way when you should have been looking at me! Loving me!"_

_**~And I don't know where to look**_

_**My words just break and melt**_

_**Please just save me from this darkness~**_

"_What? Hey… I do! I do love you…"_

"_Yeah, you do? REALLY? Because the person that I thought I loved knew what I needed and what I wanted and you shattered both of those with one comment! This has been a long time coming! I'm over this! I'm moving out otherwise we might just end up killing each other!"_

"_Wait…C'mon! ABBY!"_

And like that she was gone. Out of his life for good and he had no idea why. He couldn't figure it out and if he didn't, he would be lost in despair. He knew what he was like.

Tony stood up and walked over to the pictures on his make shift mantle. Pictures lay set out across the piece of timber. There was only one that he grabbed to look at though. In it, he and Abby had beaming smiles. It was the first time they had gone out in public as a couple and Ziva had taken the picture. They were all so happy that they he and Abby realized the strength of their relationship although, looking back, Gibbs didn't seem too happy at the time. He got over that especially when Tony had asked him to be his best man at the wedding. She had glimmered in the afternoon sun, her mauve wedding dress capturing the throats of the small amount of people in attendance. It was a magnificent day and it had all been destroyed when she doubted his feelings for her.

_**~Please just save me from this darkness~**_

Tony hadn't even realized there had been a knock until he heard the second one and the scrape of the fist falling down the door in a desperate attempt to take back what had been done. Tony ran across the small room, jumping over and nearly tripping over the coffee table that lay in the middle. He scrambled to the door, every movement working in time with his escalating heart beat.

"ABBY!" The excitement was more than evident in his throat but he was cut short once the door was pulled open to see the empty hallway in front of him. He had missed his opportunity. She was gone.

_**~Please just save me from this darkness~**_

Tony slowly turned back towards the empty and lonely shell of their apartment, closing the door behind him. He went to clasp the lock into place when he heard it, soft sobbing coming from the other side. Tony opened the door slowly to be met once again with the vacant hallway, his head shifting downwards when he heard the second sob.

"Abby?" His voice was gentle as though he were speaking to an injured child and for a moment he saw that side of her, the vulnerability, the pain, the loss. Crouching down so that he could try and look in her eyes, his heart broke with the stains that fell down her cheeks. His Abby was hurting and it was all his fault.

"Hey Abs. What you doing out here all by your lonesome?"

Abby refused to look up, knowing that if she did, her whole world would crumble when she saw the hurt in his eyes, the hurt that she had caused him. Instead she stared at the carpet, subconsciously tearing up the tissue that she had been crying into.

Her silent tears were enough for him. He knew he could fix this. Slowly, he placed his body over the top of her outstretched legs, his crouching stance allowing for none of his weight to be placed on her.

"Abby? Look at me. I need you to look at me." The calmness in his voice illustrated the love that he felt for this woman, his wife, the mother of their unborn child.

Abby's face still didn't move with the plea he was offering. Instead, Tony knelt down, placing each knee either side of her legs. She couldn't move without acknowledging his presence and he wasn't moving until she talked to him. After a few minutes with no response from her, Tony did the only thing that he knew would bring her out of her shell to him. Tony reached in, offering calming and affectionate words, and placed his arms around her back pulling her into a gentle hug. He felt the moment, the moment she broke in his arms and her sobs wracked her body as he protected her as she collapsed into his arms, hugging him back.

"I'm sorry Abs. I was only kidding. I didn't know that commenting on the image would have you this upset. I love you! You know that and you also know that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I just wanted you to smile for me because I know you've been really tired and feeling weighed down with all the worry of this pregnancy. I want the baby to be fine too but you need to let me help you smile because I feel that if I can do that, then we, all three of us will be ok."

Abby pulled away from the hug much to Tony's disappointment. It hadn't worked. He stood back up, the pain in his joints ignored as they straightened. Through his effort he heard the mumble come from the floor. He responded by crouching back down, holding her chin with hand and moved in and kissed her, deeply and passionately.

After they broke free, Tony looked into her tear soaked eyes and smiled, his green ones looking red and puffy to match her brown ones. She returned his smile.

"Let's get you off the floor and inside Mrs. DiNozzo." Tony's grin widened as she held up her hand for him to take into his.

Before they went inside, Tony needed to clear up the misunderstanding they had. If she walked in there, the air had to be clear so that this didn't happen again.

"Abby? You know I meant what I said, right?"

"The part about you loving me, yeah I know."

"No the other part, the bit that I told you she was beautiful."

Tony saw the hurt and anger flash behind his wife's eyes. Biting his lip, knowing he would have to tread carefully to work through this, he continued.

"You don't have to believe me now, but I hope that you do. When I saw that woman, her eyes happy and her smile wide, I knew that she was beautiful. I know she is beautiful. I know she heard me but I would say it again because it was the truth. Abby, I spoke the truth. I have always told you the truth whether you believe me or not is up to you. I love you, now more than ever. More than when we first met, more than when we got married. I love you especially now because you have the result of our love in you and nothing can take that away from you. I don't know what you saw when you looked at that other woman today at the shops, but I stood behind her and said she was beautiful. Regardless of what you see in the mirror, Abs, you will always be beautiful to me."

Abby had attempted to stem the flow of tears as she let her husband talk about his emotions. He did truly love her because he would do that for no one, except for the woman he loved. He would allow the woman he loved to see his faults and his vulnerability because he trusted her and that was all she had ever wanted.

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**I'm sorry if you were hoping for Tiva or Tate but as I said this was for crockettsgirl and she's a Tabby fan. I would like you all to be happy though so when you read this again, you are all very welcome to put the character you wish to see in all the bits that say Abby. Personally I think it could work with all three :)**


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